Mondays Blues / Confidence

Thought I’d write this and share a little something from me to the world about confidence.

At one point in our lives, every single person feels self-conscious. 90% of the time, we feel this way because of our outside appearances, whether it be how we look, dress, or what car we drive. Our society has created very materialistic expectations, and not being able to keep up can sometimes really get us in a funk. BUT….. the truth is we are so so so much more than how we look, dress, or how much is in our bank accounts – and we all know it!

The best way to becoming more confident is to change our habits and behavior. A good personality will ALWAYS shine through. You are what you do, not what you say or what you look like. Here is my take on what confidence, and ways to achieve what you want in life!

The definition of confidence to me is being able to radiate and flourish in ways I didn’t think possible. It means trusting my self, and patting myself on the back regardless if I’m wrong. It means smiling at strangers and being filled with gratitude.

I’m not fully where I want to be, but I have goals. Working on oneself is one of the hardest things because we to come to terms with the awful things about ourselves. It scary, but very fulfilling. In the changing world, the only person we will ever have is ourselves, so might as well be happy with the person that you are!

here are my steps:

  1. Figure out who YOU want to be. Ask yourself questions like what qualities do you like in other people that you wish you had in your self? What are your flaws? Who are your role models? What are your beliefs? What do you like to do in your free time? What makes you angry? Question everything about yourself. Not in an “I suck why am I like this” type of way, but in a genuine “who am I” type of way.  This will take time, but thinking about these questions will help you realize more about your day-to-day life.
  2. Write it down. Write down everything from step one. Then write down who your mentors are, and why you look up to them. Write down the highest standard possible that you have for yourself. Write about what you want your future to look like. Even the simple things like, “I hope that one day I’ll drive a _________”. Write what characteristics you want your future spouse to have. Write what qualities you find amazing in your friends.
  3. Flip the page and write what qualities you see in other people that you don’t like. For example, you could say “I hate how ______ handles a situation”.  This will teach you so much about yourself.
  4. Write about your past, and how you’ve changed. We have all changed. If you are the same person you were a year ago something is wrong. Write about the positive changes you’ve made, and be proud. Recognize the negative ones, but have the mindset that you want to correct them.
  5. Remember that who you are today, isn’t who you will be tomorrow, and it isn’t who you were yesterday. Writing everything down, or even just taking time to think about these things will make you much more conscious. The next time you are put in an iffy situation, these lists will help you.
  6. Learn from what you wrote, and try to grow. Find people who you want to be like and shadow them. Don’t become them, but take the best from them. Tell them what you like about them. Show your gratitude to the people in your life, because a  will not only make their day, they will respect you more.

A personal example for me is that I always expect to be treated the way I treat others, and when someone doesn’t reciprocate I get offended. I find that sometimes people take advantage of me. I used to be really naive towards it, but as I grow I realize more and more what’s happening. Learning that not everyone is like me has probably been one of the hardest things. I’m a giving person, but the more I give the more people take without return. A quality that I thought was good about myself, turned out to be hurting me. Trying to find the balance between both is a new journey.

No matter what, we will never be able to change the way we look. Coming to terms with our outside flaws is sadly a life long struggle for many people. Becoming confident doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a gradual and slow process. What I’ve learned on this journey of self-discovery of mine is that the only thing we have control over in life is really just how we act. Our actions define us, the words we use represent us, and how we handle different situations will establish our credibility.